my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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