He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Your penis caused this!
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