I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
