They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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