its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
