You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
