she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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