OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
