I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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