I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
