so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
