What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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