Redeem this text for a blowjob
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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