I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
