i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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