saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize