Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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