I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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