don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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