if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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