You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
