I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
