FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize