You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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