My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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