That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
