Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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