what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
