i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Let's get the cat blown out
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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