i barfeds in our rink
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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