forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
