um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
