I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
