i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have fence marks all over my body
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
