i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
