dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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