She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
