I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
