i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
