you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize