i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Randomize
