i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
