We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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