So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
