this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
