I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
