I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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