My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize