just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize