This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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