Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is my gift to your gina
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
