i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
