This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
