Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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