im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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