well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
