i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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