another moral hangover. fuck.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
how drunk are you?
Several
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
