the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
