I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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