just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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