So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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