i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
