Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
