I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
