Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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