I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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