He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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