Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
