I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
