Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
