and i looked up. we had an audience...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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